Seriously, Bro? The Mysterious Penis Drawn on My Window at 4AM

So, for those who don’t know me, I’ll tell you this–I get scared easily.

Woven bamboo window in Japan

I cover my eyes in scary movies like Iron Man 3, I sleep with my laptop open because I’m afraid of the dark, I hate when the train passes by my house because I envision the next few moments being like the beginning of the Super 8 movie.

I mean, all of that stuff is legitimately scary though, so it’s fine.

However, none of that is as scary as my 4AM last Thursday.

These few months I’ve had a wanky sleep schedule, so I stay up until 5AM some nights. On this particular night, I decided to go to bed early–around 3:30 AM.

As I lied in bed I heard knocking on my window. I looked up and thought it was a moose, so I was obviously like, man, this is so cute–in that weird Alaskan way where you think things that could literally crush you are cute.

However, after about 2 minutes the knocking didn’t stop. I thought it was just a really ambitious moose until I looked up at my window again. It was a human hand knocking on my window.

My heart started racing and I slowly crunched up in a ball on the corner of my bed, so no one could see me from the outside of my window.

This was then followed by a white male face peaking in my window and more knocking. After about 3 more minutes, they took out a marker and wrote, “Lake, sleep well?” followed by a giant penis.

After a slew of mini heart attacks, I fell asleep.

Who is the mysterious penis-drawer, you ask?

Hell if I know. All I know is that they were white and male. All of my athletically fit white male friends have surprising left town for the summer. So ya know, totally not creeped out as fuck.

So, despite the fact that when I open my blinds in the morning to let in the sunshine I have to look at a giant penis drawn in purple marker, there is a more important question besides whodunit.

Okay, maybe whodunit is a really important question but for the sake of this blog post it isn’t.

My question is, why didn’t they draw a vagina?

We live in a world where being male is still the best option.

Penises are a symbol of power and privilege. There are no boundaries. It is slightly misogynistic in a way, to draw them on places. It’s like gang graffiti–knowing the territory you’re in.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where the territory is predominately–and has been for the majority of history–male.

Vaginas are seen as weak, passive and submissive–despite the fact that they give birth, bleed and do other crazy shit that’s completely unexpected.

Vaginas are inherently a symbol of survival.

So, if you want to play a joke and draw something that’s intimidating and awesome on my window–draw a vagina. I will still feel equally creeped out but it will be something different. The world needs a little something different.

Also, WordPress marked every single plural vagina as incorrectly spelled. Funny how the thought of multiple vaginas is so revolutionary.

PS- That is not a picture of my window. My window has a giant penis drawn on it.

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